...the very word has new meaning to me after the last few days. i shudder to think of what the next few will bring.
pain...for so long when i thought of the word, i thought of my own. i could empathize with others, i could cry as i sat beside someone who was hurting beyond what they could bear, but never was my heart broken. until today.
lyla is sick. sick in a "she's going to be better in a few days" kind of sick, but it's horrid none-the-less. especially since it took both tony and i to change her into her jammies tonight. but it's the pain filled screams and the tears streaming down her face that brought me before God, begging to let me take the brunt of it. i can't do anything about it...and what i can do about it, hurts her.
as i held her tonight, complete with shuddering hiccups and a sweet tiny hand stroking my own, i wondered if that is how God feels when He allows pain to enter our lives. as He's holding our stuggling, fighting bodies, if He feels our pain as acutely as we do. i find comfort in that thought, knowing that's He's holding me as i'm holding her.
but there are times when i don't think my heart could hurt any worse then it does tonight.
