the day it all came crashing down...

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

...i wasn't sure when the reality of our move was going to hit but i didn't think it was going to happen so soon. today was a sad day. bright and sunny and full of promise and lyla pretending she was a kangaroo.

but i was sad.

one of my best friends had a baby on sunday and i couldn't be there to meet sweet emma.

another of my dearest friends turned 30 today and all day i knew what surprises awaited her and i couldn't be there to see her expression or help her celebrate.

and then the icing on the cake...tony leaves tomorrow. exciting right!? yes! i hopefully get to see my husband sooner depending on when the movers can cross the border. he'll be taking a safer route to boot! yay! but then our house...our very first house will be empty. there won't be girlish giggles beckoning me to come up the stairs to play. there won't be the homey, comforting smells of baking coming from the oven. "we" won't be there anymore.

another family may move in with another giggly little girl. there may even be a resident who loves baking as much as i do...but it won't be us. and when the garage door closes for the last time in the morning, it will be closing on a chapter that, though short, was full.

tonight my heart is heavy. even though i grew up here and am excited to be back, my heart misses what became so familiar. it's funny, this feeling of being in limbo...of not belonging to either place, trying to find "home" again.

so, tonight i'll let my heart grieve.

and tomorrow will be shiny and new and lyla may be a different animal...and maybe "here" will be a bit closer to feeling like home again.