*lovin' on* my man...

Monday, April 21, 2008

today is the day over at something good that we are to tell of a time when our husband has been our comforter.

this one was easy peasy and harder then anything to come up with. easy, because, without even realizing it, tony comforted me in a way that was so profound, but so unusual. harder then anything because it exposed my selfish, sinful heart.

i love sleep. i love sleep almost as much as i love chocolate. i love sleep mainly because it represents a freedom that i essentially no longer have. i also love sleep because it gives me a reason to hang on to my selfishness so i have an excuse for my grumpy, grouchy behavior when i have been *deprived* of my beauty rest.

what deprives me you may ask?

if you're new to my site, you may not have met my two sweet girls...but they are the reason for my sleeplessness.

but don't all babies sleep like...babies you may ask?

well, 1. technically, babies don't really sleep for x consecutive amount of hours for a while. and 2. while your precious angel may sleep 13 hours non stop and take 3 naps of two hours throughout the day...my angels don't. and my angels are beginning to like 6am wake up calls whether i like it or not. i'd like to say that God has decided He could use me better in the morning...but we are both going to have to work on that one because i have been fighting and kicking and screaming against His *plan* for a while now.

anyways. back to my man.

this weekend, after moping and complaining and having a big ol' thundercloud over my head all day, my sweet, loving husband had had enough. and said so. me in my self-righteous indignation harrumphed my way into bed and woke up the next morning (sunday morning mind you...with church as our destination) and proceeded to tell him that he was the one with the issue (the nerve of me!) when he asked if i wanted to talk.

half way through worship, God got my attention and i saw my actions and attitudes through His eyes...and to make matters worse, the sermon spoke right to my ugly spirit. leaning over i whispered how sorry i was (yes, i talked in church) and i met love in his eyes.

much later, we dropped the girls off at my mom's and headed out for coffee. knowing how hard confrontation is for me, he eased into it over my green tea chai (yes, we have those in three hills) and cherry creme brulee. and despite the pain that his truthful words brought, despite how shameful and horrid i had been - he loved me. and as i told him i felt like a mess...that i wanted to crawl out of my skin and find a new, good mommy body to climb into, he pointed out all the ways that i've grown and changed in the last 7.5 years we've known each other.

i found comfort in his truth and in his love. he saw my ugliness for what is was and reaffirmed to me that he's committed to me, even if that means walking through difficult times together.