i love the name george. have i ever mentioned that?
well, i do.
my first experience with a george was a huge st. bernard, who sloppily and happily loved me when i was 5. george was also a girl. i loved, loved, loved going out to the farm and seeing her.
and one day, she wandered off alone and never came back. lyla was given a stuffed st. bernard puppy when she was only a few months old, and the first word out of my mouth was "george". of course, as lyla has learned that she can name things herself, with the name of choice lately being "lyla", this puppy, in *my* mind at least, is george. helps to keep some of the memories i hold dear, close.
i always wanted an "uncle george". no idea why...i just did. having never voiced this request, it wasn't until i met my great-uncle george that this wish was realized. from the first moment we met, i loved my great-uncle george. and he loved me. he always made me laugh, always made me feel cherished, even when i couldn't get my grandpa's VW up the hill because i couldn't figure out the clutch. he just smiled patiently in the car behind me and cheered when i finally, fin.a.lly, after 25, yes, *25* attempts, made it. (did i mention that i lived on the flat, flat prairies most of my life, which meant i learned how to drive on the flat, flat prairies??)
the name "george" always makes my heart grow soft.
last night on the couch, sandwhiched between 2 freshly bathed little girls who couldn't seem to get close enough as they waited for their new movie to start, i forced myself to stop thinking about everything i *still* needed to get done, forced myself to memorize what it felt like to have little arms and legs trying to entwine with mine. sweet, pudgy hands playing with my fingers. soft kisses placed with the utmost gentlness on an owie on my hand.
i forced myself to embed each moment in my mind because i know there will come a time when the movie that is eagerly waited for won't be "curious george", the entwining fingers will be reserved for the boy that is liked, when my home will be empty, save the echoes of squeals and giggles in my memory.
so, i hold on.
and i don't feel silly as my eyes fill with tears over a cartoon monkey who amazingly no-one appears weirded out by.
one of my sisters posted a quote today on her facebook from max lucado: "if God had a refrigerator, your picture would be on it."
i look at my own fridge, filling up with the pictures lyla brings home each day from preschool and the joy that her art brings me. "really?" my heart seems to ask...how could the God of the universe feel that way about me?
and it hit me tonight as again, i snuggled with my oldest little one and played with her hair as she fell asleep; He watches over me. He finds joy and great delight in me. i'm not being tucked into His memory for future muzings, i'm engraved on His hands. His involvement in my life isn't to prepare me to leave His safety, His involvement is to prepare me for eternity with Him, where the air will be filled from the echoes of my thankfulness for loving me, for choosing me, for making me His own.
from an old dog, to a dear man, to a cartoon monkey - i love how all three have pointed me to the One Who has willingly walked the highs and lows of this journey with me so far.
and if i am going to be completely honest, there is a small part of me that hopes when He trades my old name for my new one, i'll hear His voice whisper...
"george."
