when the wind howls...

it's as the wind is howling on the eve of the first day of lent that i find myself bent over in the posture of prayer

and vomit dripping from my hair.


barely able to catch  my breath as my body gives in to what my stomach tries to lose

and i can't see through the tears.


he has the blanket pulled back as i stumble into bed.

pulls me in close against him to calm the tremors that i can't seem to shake.


and it's in the brief respite that i catch a glimpse into what the season means.


we are sick with sin.

sin that consumes, sours our souls.

and the purging of that which makes us sick is ugly,

leaves us feeling raw and vulnerable 

and barely able to lift one's head.


and all i want is a glass of water.

all my soul really needs is the Person Who calls Himself the Living Water -

when i bring my sin-sickness to Him and ask Him to clean my heart all out,

to heal me...

and when He does

He fills me up with Himself.

the very God Who took on flesh,

experienced hunger and pain and sorrow and death,

gives of Himself to quench the parched places left over from the ravages of sin.


so i take it in,

even as my body rebels through the early hours of the morning,

as i feel my humanness - the truth that i am dust - as the dark of the night becomes the dawn of ash wednesday...

i let the words penned by paul that i am trying to plant deep wash over me as i press the cool, wet cloth against my face,

...being strengthened with all power according to His glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and giving joyful thanks to the Father Who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of His holy people in the kingdom of light.  for He has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son He loves, in Whom there is redemption, the forgiveness of sins.    

colossians 1:11-14

and i feel Jesus near.