He is so kind...

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

i lose my train of thought as i say those verses out loud, a small portion of the ones from colossians that will take 52 weeks to learn.

i think, at first, that i can't keep the words straight because of the yelling i hear from those 3 in the van as the man who loves this family like his own patiently listens to me fumble and stumble through those lines that i've struggled to remember for the last 2 weeks.

they just won't stick.

they won't stick until i stumble because it's truth my heart finally hears that trips me up.

and He is so very kind.

The God Who created all of this that surrounds,

Who is more than a big, formal, impersonal Being...

He is personal and gentle and tender and good in all of His wildness that pulls me towards His Heart.

and it's in a message last night that tells me to look out my front door - after an afternoon writing that finds me looking at the dark tomb rather than the Light Who Shines Bright.  and they are there, tucked into the corner of that stoop, all orange and aflame...

He breathes His Holiness into every situation, no matter how dark.

so, it's as i stutter out the words, the ones that derail my memory so that i can't really think straight anymore that He catches my attention and holds me fast,

...if you continue in your faith, established and firm and do not move 
from the hope held out in the gospel.  (col. 1:23)

i have felt hopeless.

easily tossed about.

but the answer lies on the tip of my tongue...

i lose my footing when i'm not holding on to the message of the gospel,

the message of the cross.

i'm holding on to what my eyes alone can see.

and compared to His all-seeing eyes, i can't see much.

i hold His Words in my hands and wrestle them into my heart, offering up to Him wordless prayers because i don't know how to form the thoughts yet.

but He heard past the stumbling and the tripping and the grasping, because one thing led to another and He found me in the middle of a little etsy shop, and He took my feet that were tripping all over the place and planted them firmly on top of His promises, deep in the Old words and the New...

God is in the midst of her,
she shall not be moved.
He will help her when
morning dawns.
psalm 46:5 
*image found at naptimediaries

and it takes tripping over His truth that i finally grasp: i can only live out a faith that is established and firm, when my faith is rooted deeply in Him.

3 gifts found in His Word
1382. colossians 1:23
1383. that He sees the insignificant
1384. hope sparked

3 gifts found in women
1385. a set of dishes because she knew the majority of mine were broken
1386. a bouquet of flowers she left in a darkened corner for me to find
1387. those words after i am vulnerable, "but i am your friend - and friends listen."

3 gifts spoken
1388. i am called "daughter"
1389. i am called "wife"
1390. i am called "mama"

a gift sung, written, painted
1391. the way the two older sing to cheer the youngest up
1392. words that give back what those locusts took
1393. that sunset last night

3 gifts almost gone
1394. baby days
1395. the cold of winter
1396. that chocolate bunny

3 gifts redeemed
1397. my life
1398. our marriage
1399. this family

3 gifts entwined
1400. our hands as he drives
1401. our arms as we sleep
1402. our hearts as we try and trust Him

3 gifts of His Promises
1403. His hope doesn't move
1404. new mornings
1405. i can abide in Him

3 gifts uncovered
1406. places that still need to heal
1407. her talent and love of drawing
1408. them all hiding under blankets

a gift heard, held, hoped for
1409. "i will fight for you - for us"
1410. love i never thought could be mine
1411. Home.

3 gifts round
1412. liv's big eyes as she tells me that story
1413. mugs that hold caffeine
1414. one full year at that church that has become such a refuge

3 gifts white
1415. those easter lilies from the one who loves like a father
1416. promises written in chalk
1417. full bin of flour

3 gifts surprisingly found
1418. matching socks :)
1419. a home for us
1420. that it wouldn't let us go

3 gifts in His Word
1421. john's hope
1422. mary's hope
1423. thomas' hope

3 gifts found @ 11am, 2pm, 6pm
1424. "fizzy" painting
1425. quiet time
1426.full tummies and clean kitchen

3 gifts nailed together
1427. my desk - reminds me of friendship
1428. my hope chest - reminds me of grandpa
1429. that bookshelf - reminds me of tony's love of books

3 gifts waited for
1430. his kiss
1431. his last name
1432. the sound of his key in the lock

3 gifts rising up
1433. those flowers hidden in grass
1434. a hope that starts at dawn
1435. children that grow taller

a gift hiding, held, heard
1436. hope hidden in His Word and the call to not move from it
1437. his little-boy-hand that will someday hold another's
1438. "mama, how do you spell that?"