on a night i don't care for jonah...

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

we are going through band-aids like they are going out of style.

it doesn't seem to matter that the temperature has dipped and spring has decided to act like herself ~ those three not-so-little-anymore-little-ones of mine want to be outside in the sun and the fresh air and fall down and brush off and bleed a little all over everything.

and i sit on that little patch of grass and i watch them - remembering those days of riding up and down, up and down, up and down that far away sidewalk, imagining all the things i could do or be on that hot pink bike of my very own.

they race each other on scooters and tricycle to that fire hydrant and back and they either all win, or all lose...or they all start the race at different times.

doesn't seem to matter though, because to them,

they are soaring.

until feet slip out from underneath because a sweet mind is far away in the clouds and earth pulls them back hard on scratchy cement and blood seeping out of skin reminds them of how fragile they really are.

there are moments that i wait,

stay curled up on that quilt...

because sometimes the falling is slow and kind and the sound that reaches my ears is laughter and my mama eyes trained on them get a thumbs-up from the fallen one 10 feet away.

but there are times that they run to me,

blood dripping as quickly as their tears,

and they collapse into my arms because it's not just a band-aid they need,

they need my heart.

he and i?

we laid down on the floor this evening,

him on his stomach with that bible laid out underneath his face.

me, all sprawled out on my back watching that fan turn around and around, listening to his voice read out the story of jonah.

i decided fairly quickly that i didn't quite care for the reluctant prophet.

not because of his foot-dragging ability,

but because tonight, his story, his attitude looked a little too much like my own.

i wanted that fan to break free of that ceiling and take me somewhere far away from the Word that was piercing so deep.

how very much like jonah.

and how very much like God.

a God who can use the putrid belly of a whale, or the withering of a shade-producing vine to speak into the heart of His runaway, grumpy servant...

a God who can use this same prophet to speak words into the heart of a city and cause them to repent and follow Him...

a God Who can use that same story of second chances and grace and mercy towards the deserving and the undeserving and remind this heart that He did the same for me when i was the most undeserving of all.

He is the God Who sees me when i've fallen and i can't clean up the mess,

He is the God Who holds out His arms and lets me fly into them when the hurt is too great.

because, really, none of us is deserving of the grace and love He longs to so lavishly pour out on us all.   jonah, in all his pride, didn't realize how desperately similar he was to those ninevites he wanted God to destroy.

but God, because He is God, longed for all of them, jonah included, to turn and be found lost and captured in His Love.

they teach me that, in the midst of tumble-down days and scratched up knees and band-aids that seem to cover every square inch of tender, exposed skin...they teach me that a wound is nothing to be ashamed of,

but it is something to run with, blood dripping down and tears streaming free, straight into Arms wide and open to be found held close in His Love.

3 gifts woven together
1460. that scarf i keep ripping out
1461.those 4 who were knit together in my dark
1462. the way He's joined our marriage together

3 gifts inherited
1463. i am qualified to share in the inheritance of His holy people (colossians 1:12)
1464. gramma's bible
1465. her simple wedding band

3 gifts square
1466. that picture from the ocean
1467.their 3 faces captured and displayed
1468. thin slices of pepper-jack cheese

a gift stacked, stashed, stilled
1469. those school books finished for the day
1470.the hurried rush of laundry
1471. everyone sleeping (but me)

3 gifts close
1472. those clean sheets
1473.us five in these four walls
1474. words across the miles

3 gifts found in Christ
1475. i am reconciled by Christ's physical body...
1476. through His death...
1477. and i am presented holy in His sight, without blemish and free from accusation. (colossians 1:22)

3 gifts reflecting
1478. the way we see his papa in elias' smile.
1479. the haircut i'm trying to like
1480. them all captured in my camera

3 gifts fragile
1481. feelings
1482. memories
1483. vulnerable hearts

a gift cloth, steel, wood
1484. that new dress
1485. that old van
1486. that beat up piano

3 gifts moving
1487. lyla
1488. olivia
1489. elias

3 gifts "ugly beautiful"
1490. saying "yes" to the hard
1491. surrendering to the unknown of His Known
1492. holding a grieving child

3 gifts orange
1493. that early morning sunrise
1494. my favorite jam
1495. the tired, sleepy sun - a full circle of a day

3 gifts in dirt
1496. those pansies growing strong
1497. pumpkin seeds changing
1498. their early morning breakfast - all those birds on our lawn

a gift given, made, sacrificed
1499. his love
1500. those cupcakes
1501. His Life