i started out to write 30 posts about letting go...
and my computer stopped a few - odd connection issues refused to connect and so i'd wait for a few minutes and then head to bed...trusting that maybe my silence was better than my words.
because in the silence, He worked in my heart.
and i don't think i've come to any earth shattering conclusions about what letting go truly means...because letting go isn't earth shattering. we are called, as followers of Jesus, to lay down our lives, to pick up His cross and follow Him - and as my hands empty they simultaneously fill as i choose to do what He asks.
the purposeful act of letting go of what holds me back or drags me down or pulls me away is needed and continual but worth it because of the treasure i find in Him.
during this past month, i've finally joined the bandwagon and picked up this book and started to read. and it's these words that i read late last night that i keep coming back to throughout this day,
walking in genuine intimacy and full surrender to God requires great faith.
"what are you doing right now that requires faith?" that question affected me deeply because at the time i could think of nothing in my life that required faith. i probably wouldn't be living very differently if i didn't believe in God...
life is comfortable when you separate yourself from people who are different from you...that epitomizes what my life was like: characterized by comfort.
but God doesn't call us to be comfortable. He calls us to trust Him so completely that we are unafraid to put ourselves in situations where we will be in trouble if He doesn't come through.
francis chan - crazy love
to let go - to truly let go of my dreams, hurt, pain, anger, unforgiveness and even wishing that i knew the why of some situations - is hard. it's messy and i seem to make a mess of it even more...
but throughout this month, the one thing i have kept coming back to - that everything always seems to come back to - i keep coming back to Jesus.
i keep coming back to the freedom found in Him when the only thing i'm holding on to is His grace.
so i stand at the edge of another december. another holiday that is missing so many. days leading up to the days that still hold so many questions and so much hurt. and almost three years after the fact, after the shattering and the suicide and the most unhappy of new years, i am feeling the joy again, the anticipation of celebrating that moment when Emmanuel left His heavenly home, wrapped Himself up in our fragile, dusty skin and became God With Us.
And now, O Lord, for what do I wait?
My hope is in you.
(Psalm 39:7 ESV)
so what do i wait for? do i wait for the dark days to overwhelm and discourage again - or do i push back by looking up...to Him?
because that is the only way to be able to let go, i think.
the only way to truly let go of it all, is by lifting up my eyes to the One Who bled grace on the cross and clinging to Hope in Jesus with everything i have...