i came across...

Saturday, March 20, 2010

this today as i sat in my chair, holding a sweet baby boy who is cutting another tooth and has decided that his mama's arms are the only place he wants to be.

problem is, while my arms love the feeling of being filled by his little, snuggly body, i'd very much rather be snuggled up in your arms right now.

i watched you today.  did you know that?  i noticed the little things you did.  little things that made me so incredibly proud of you, little things that were actually big things to the people you reached out to.

to the tired man doing our taxes, your humor relaxed him.  i watched it happen.  he went from being rather stand-offish to feeling like an old friend by the time we walked out the door.

to his receptionist, who, i'm sure would rather have been home on a saturday morning, who jokingly called out to you to not forget her coffee when you ran out the door to get me one.

i watched you walk back through the door 15 minutes later with your arms full.  enough for all of those who had to spend their saturday in an office.

i watched you reach out to get a shopping cart so i could strap elias in, but seeing the person behind us waiting, you passed it on to her.  and then the next person.  and the next.

their faces were a precious mixture of shock and joy...that someone would actually reach out and do something kind.

i was so, so proud of you.

and i am so incredibly amazed.

grief has changed you, in ways that i was worried about at first.  suddenly and in a moment that still has the power to take my breath away, life changed.  drastically.  i was scared that i wouldn't know who you were anymore.  i was scared that the deep places you had given me access to would be closed off.

i was scared that the man i had known and loved would become a stranger.

and yet.

my new, two favorite words...

while grief has taken something precious from you, it has added something as well.

there is depth to you that i hadn't known before and i find it fascinating.  the qualities that i was drawn to, that i fell in love with are still there, only...they are more.

and, because i'm a girl, my mind can only come up with a girl-like comparison.  good thing you like that about me, huh?

your heart, your spirit, you compassion have always been noticeable, but in the darkness of your pain, the light of Jesus shines more clearly, more brilliantly. like a gem that casts it's hidden light on everything that surrounds it when it is hit by the sun.

as i read through the list put out by tiffany & co., i saw you in each line.

you are a true gentleman in every sense of the word.

and i want you to know how thankful i am that i looked up that moment you walked into that classroom...

and that it was you He let me come across...

“A woman knows the face of the man she loves like a sailor knows the open sea.”
                ~Honore de Balzac