Thursday, November 4, 2010

her strong warm voice, touched with her dutch heritage greeted me on tuesday morning as i slipped into my chair two seats down from hers.

i love listening to anna speak.  my gramma had a beautiful voice, and her's too was richly tinged with an accent that spoke of a distant land that i long to see.  i think that is one of the reasons that anna's voice holds me captive.

she is a woman who speaks with conviction,  with years of wisdom and a love for Jesus.  she is firm in her beliefs, but it is always tempered with compassion and love.

saturday and sunday had been days of renewal for tony and i and for each of our little ones.  after having our plans change suddenly on saturday, we both looked at each other and asked "now what?".  and then he smiled.  and i smiled and we decided to run away.

and as we drove further down the road his shoulders relaxed and my eyelids grew heavy and the laughter in the back grew louder and we could breathe;  sweet, fresh, peace-full air and saturday was good.

sunday found us with a late start with full credit to sweet husband who let his exhausted wife sleep a few extra minutes past the morning rush.  piling into the van with shouts of excitement that missed friends were going to be seen we buckled in and began to drive to the mountains.  and as the day before, his shoulders relaxed, my eyelids grew heavy and elias began to snore rather loudly despite the excitement of the day.

we spent a day being taken care of and ministered to.  each of our needs was met...we were fed physically, spiritually and mentally.  our children were run off of their feet until they collapsed in their seats and fell asleep within minutes of our journey home.  but to tony and i, the day gave us an energy that filled our conversation as we sat enveloped in moving darkness.

and as i crawled into bed that night, i felt as though something had somehow switched.

tony called me monday morning to whisper words of love into my ear, but to also tell me that he had been approached by a dear friend who had been praying for us in the early hours of the new week.  heavy on his heart, he spoke words of life into my husband and i could hear the lifted spirit that i hadn't heard for a while.

encouraged, i went on about my day not thinking much more about it.

tuesday morning, the rich, strong voice of dear anna reached across the table to ask how i was.  shyer than shy without my computer in front of me, i whispered back that i was doing okay.  "i have been praying for you, kimberley.  God laid you heavy on my heart this morning and i wanted you to know."

i sat back in my seat, tears threatening, but laughter bubbling up too.

as the lesson began i closed my eyes, "that's two people in two days, Jesus...will there be someone tomorrow?"

trying not to get my hopes up i woke up wednesday morning to a disaster of a start.  my house, my attitude, my children...all grouchy and rushed and impatient.  i walked into the room full of women feeling weary and discouraged and like i really didn't belong.

forgetting about my question from the previous morning, i fumbled through my comments, spoke without really thinking and adding a rabbit trail or two that i mentally hit my head about as soon as they ended.

my heart felt like lead until a sweet friend leaned in close and said softly that she had been praying for me that morning...

despite the intense feelings of failure, He felt near as she spoke life giving words.

i didn't really wonder about today...not because i expected Him to prompt someone else to pray for us, i just figured that because my routine changes drastically after wednesdays that the "tellings" would end.

until i opened my inbox this morning from a woman who has mentored me off and on throughout the last two years when our schedules allow us to meet.  she too told me that she had been thinking of and praying for us this morning.

and i sat in my office amazed.

2 weeks ago i angrily stated to my husband that i felt forgotten about, wondering if in the whole scheme of His plan God wasn't just using me as a pawn to further His plan and then change my life when i was trying to inform Him as politely as i could that i didn't really agree.

so today, as i reflected back onto my confused and hurt rant, i began to see that He had taken my pain and my questions seriously and through others in our lives He took action to show me that He loves me, even when i don't understand anything about what we are going through.

even if tomorrow passes without someone leaning close and telling us that our names were impressed onto their hearts and we were prayed for...i'll still smile at the day ahead because i know more clearly then i did before that i am never far from His thoughts and that He'll use any means and any person to remind me.

blessed be the Lord, for He has wondrously shown His love to me...i had said in my alarm, i am cut off from Your sight. but You heard the voice of my pleas for mercy when i cried to You for help.  psalm 31:21-22