in the quiet dark...

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

i sing the same words over and over, night after night to little ears that find comfort in a mama's song.

are you far away from home
this dark and lonely night
tell me what best would help
to ease your mind
 someone to give direction to this unfamiliar road
or One Who says "follow Me and I will lead you home" 

i pray that the words that fill the room would be full of my desire for them to know the One Who gave all three for me to love, to care prepare their hearts for Him.

how beautiful, how precious
this Saviour of old
Who loves so completely the loneliest soul
how gently, how tenderly
He says to one and all,
"child you can follow Me and I will lead you home" 

and so i sing and we hold hands and lock eyes and i wonder about the one who i held in my body for too short a time and my arms ache to hold and who now stands in the presence of Jesus and just before i become overwhelmed with yet more grief, their voices join in and we sing together and our song becomes a prayer...

be near me, Lord Jesus
i ask Thee to stay
close by me forever
and love me i pray.
bless all the dear children
in Thy tender care
and take us to heaven
to live with Thee there.

i kiss sleepy foreheads, pray for lyla to have happy dreams about happy elephants and that the potatoes and broccolis won't eat olivia's face and tenderly touch elias' gloriously chubby cheeks and brush my fingers across eyelids already almost closed; and my heart aches with such love and such pain.

pain that makes the love so much sweeter, so much deeper.
and i realize that it is the same in life.

pain that i scream into the phone, wanting answers, begging for answers.  pain that i wish would end.


pain that has drawn me into a relationship with Jesus i never dreamed could exist.  a relationship that has proven itself to be strong enough to handle my words that could never be articulated.  the pain He has allowed in this terrible year has drawn out the rich, jeweled tones of His love and i stand amazed and in awe and wanting more of what He has.

yes, how beautiful, how precious this Saviour of old; to love so completely the loneliest soul...

and a simple child's lullaby becomes my hearts desire...

(the lullaby begins around 1:15...)