Too often I miss Him, oblivious, blind. I don’t see all the good things that He is giving me, gracing me with, brushing my life with. True, He is everywhere, always. But maybe, before The Gift List, I thought of Him as further off, not so close. When I started to see all the things that I love bestowed upon me, I started to see Him as near, present, everywhere, showering me with good things. Seeing the things I love all around me gives me eyes to see that I am loved, that He loves me.
but something in me stirred.
and i realized, i don't thank Him enough. and maybe, even if i thanked Him more, my circumstances won't change, my grief will be as poignant, i may still fall and fail and grasp about for balance, but...
i may change.
gratitude.
so i begin my own list...
#1 the christmas tree standing in the corner. unadorned...but standing.
#2 hands clasped in the early morning as the clock creeps closer to 2am, whispering with faces close together of our hopes...of our future.
#3 for soft purple chairs and hot lavender tea.
#4 for a dear friend who listens and shares and no shame in crying together...
#5 for the hug and the tissue and the roses all lovingly given by one who knows the pain of loss.
#6 for new neighbours and dear friends...
#7 for giggles that accompany repeated requests for hot chocolate.
#8 for the tight baby boy grip around my neck when i walk in the door.
#9 for the sting of the wind as i walk in -20C weather.
#10 for the unexpected meeting that led to an open door and an ear that hears and prays...
#11 for the girl who willingly jumps in on monday mornings to watch my small ones so i can find healing...
and my heart feels lighter. my praise seems louder...and He is near.
