in the hearing...

Friday, November 19, 2010

she claimed she could smell the snow before it fell.

the night it began to fall, i could hear it.

i'm not sure how - the curtains were closed up against the dark.  i was moving around a back bedroom when i paused.  i knew.  i could hear it in the air.  it was snowing.

and i felt my heart grow cold.

i still remember the snow that fell that dark december night as the old year quietly turned into the new one.  giant snowflakes that kept building and building and building, one on top of the other.

tony's grief tinged voice filled my ear and beckoned me outside with him to stand and watch heaven's beauty fall around us as the clock softly moved past midnight.

we took pictures.

i had never seen snow rise so quickly.

i have never looked at those pictures.

purity turned ugly.

so on that quiet night this past week, as the season changed and snow began to descend, i didn't even venture a peek.

even when my childrens squeals filled the house the next morning.

even as tony called through the house to me, announcing the first snow...

i ignored it while i walked the girls to school.

i kept the curtains closed.


the dark began to fall.

and like a moth to a flame i was drawn to the beauty that comes in the cold dark winter.

i pulled back the blinds and stood at the the descending shadows of the day, lights were appearing; a welcome to the weary and cold looking for the warmth of home.

the snow was still falling, small and dot-like in the cold of the open prairies.  this snow was building quickly too.  but the thing that drew me was the way the still white reflected the warm light into the air around me.

reminding me, as i sit typing with cold-tinged fingertips, He is the Light of the world.  in the dark and cold that i find myself in, as i sit and grieve for life and love lost, He is here.  He shines brightly in the darkness...welcoming the cold and the weary.  offering them His rest, His hope...offering Himself.

and so i come.  and i find the beauty once again.  because it is His beauty that draws me back over and over when i begin to be overwhelmed.

and i cling to His promises and His truth.

and i believe, in the cold or in the the days of plenty and the days of want, He. is. good.

You. are. good.