it comes back...

Monday, July 4, 2011

it sometimes comes in the moments before the day closes.

that feeling that has eluded you...or maybe, you've eluded it.

suddenly, this whole practice of thanks-giving seems silly ~ it doesn't change or improve circumstances and so the decision is made to put it on the back-burner.  because sometimes, wallowing in a bad mood seems easier.  and feels better.  and doesn't require so much sacrifice.

but it comes back.

like that man in brown who rings the door bell and leaves a parcel on the front step.

it's there.

and if offers you a glimpse of the exquisiteness of it all,

but you hesitate, because really, you've put it down for so long...a month or more and it feels odd. stilted.  but you write it all down, because it really all is a gift and even if it feels silly you keep writing it down and grace falls gently, like the slipping down of the ribbon.

and the very act in and of itself seems like the gift. and there is the temptation to just hold what has been given and never look further.

and i think *this* is why i stopped.

i chose to stop looking further.

it's easy to say thank you, to write down words and never look deeper.  900 gifts written down and set aside because i refused to lift them up and look inside.

because that can make one vulnerable...

but as the gift is opened and examined  i've come to realize that the capacity to see more and to give thanks for more is revealed.

because as our feeble thanks is given, He pours more in.  maybe not in the ways that we expect or in the ways that we wanted Him to; but giving thanks has a way of emptying us completely so that we can be filled up even more.

it's taken over 900 *moments* to realize this.

to see it for what it is, rather than a rose-coloured view of life.

it will only change me if i choose to look below the surface and embrace my emptiness...

to see how He fills...

*my unexpected birthday present from a sweet friend*

904. unexpected coffee
905. anticipation
906. early morning cuddles
907. olivia wrapping my arm tighter around her, whispering, "don't go!"
908. a new vision

909. my children

910. wondering
911. just us
912. car-top down and holding hands
913. talking with him - no interruptions
914. their faces when the see me at the door
915. aunty becky

916. chocolate cheerio messes
917. sister conversations
918. that stubborn part down lyla's hair
919. lyla 47 7/8"
920. olivia 43 3/4"
921 elias 33 3/4"

922. facing a home in disarray 
923. cleaning it room by room
924. a clean home by bedtime
925. new routines implemented

926. learning with him
927. waking up to a clean home
928. relaxed rhythms
929. a church that feeds
930. a husband who leads
931. quiet-time naps
932. fresh produce
933. baking soda baths for uncomfortable liv
934. sleepy snuggles on the couch
935. s'mores

936. happy mornings
937. working as a team
938. mid-morning snacks
939. ice tea steeping
940. bread rising

941, the way he clings to my skirt