it's all in the direction you take...

Thursday, December 15, 2011

i sat restless last night,

in the early hours after midnight.

he rolled over and looked at me, his eyes all fuzzy with sleep.

just a few more mintues, i whispered into the unasked question,

and he just reached over and held my hand.

he's used to that - my sleeplessness.

used to the lamp being on at all hours.

used to falling asleep to the lullaby of pages gently turning.

and i had read it, 14 months ago,

that book on ruth that holds what i had jotted down,

the question asked was stated as such,

~ do you need to make a life change for the preservation of obedience?

and in my neatly formed cursive, i had written this down in the margin,

...and i'm trying to wait with a willing heart to see if He
is calling us to move to a different location as well.

my heart that was willing was also pretty sure that He wasn't planning on moving me out of my comfort zone anytime soon.

do i laugh or do i cry at my naivety?

4 short months later we were gone.

and my heart that was willing only came to that place battered and bruised.

i am sometimes still shocked that it was such a short space of time...

when He moves, He doesn't waste time.

and it seems odd, or maybe not so much, that this has been on my heart.

the last two seasons of christmas have found my family and i in great change and transition.

part of me, if i'm to be honest, is a little nervous wondering if the bottom is going to drop out from underneath us again.

and i could find myself paralyzed with fear and grief in this season of hard memories that leave me wondering what's next?

until i read these verses...

at this they wept again. then orpah kissed her mother-in-law
good-by, but ruth clung to her...when naomi realized that ruth
was determined to go with her, she stopped urging her. so the two 
women went on until they came to bethlehem...
ruth 1: 14, 18-19a

she clung,

and then she moved forward.

she wept forward, trusting that He would lead...

that He would provide.

He doesn't ask me or you to not feel deeply,

to not cry out those tears that are suffocating the joy.

but He is asking us to keep moving forward,

one step at a time.

and to trust that even if the bottom drops out,

His promises ring true,

the Eternal God is your Refuge,
and underneath are the Everlasting Arms...
deuteronomy 33:27a