i remember the moments of realizing that you were there,
the subtle ways you were already changing me.
i remember sobbing on the floor, terrified of what it all meant.
you were my unexpected surprise.
and one moment, you were there...
and the next you were gone.
and you would have been 6 years old this month.
i wonder who you would have been.
if you are anything like your brother or sisters, you would have had a crazy sense of humor,
adorable in every way.
a stubborn streak a mile long,
and a laugh that fills my heart and makes me ache with love.
you heard my heartbeat,
but i never got to hear your song...
and my heart misses you tonight.
the lights are glowing on our tree and i think of the One they represent.
He, the Light in our dark,
and you, sweet child of mine, are standing in His Glow.
how could i wish for you to be anywhere else but with Him?
i read it again, this evening in this month that would have been your sixth year,
and i can't help but smile.
because he felt the same ache,
and he wrote those words down...
and i hold them close
like he has already held you...
someday i'll hold your hand
by papa tim
i have a lovely grandchild
whose face i cannot see
at least not in this brief life,
but in eternity
i'll get to hear a "grandpa"
that my ears will miss for yet,
i get to see a happy smile
my eyes cannot forget.
and all the questions many
about God's greater plan,
will quickly melt to nothing
when first i hold your hand.
and we can run and laugh and sing
together praising our great King.
and to the mountains we can fly
and look down at top of sky.
oh precious one, whether girl or boy
what fun we'll have, what times of joy
when we can see God's greater plan,
when at last i hold your hand!
because someday my longing will become reality
and it will be you i hold in my arms as i thank my Jesus for the wonder of you,
and finally hear the beauty of your song...
happy birthday, sweet baby.
i love you so much,
~mama
