the month of here {day 31}...when He adds one more day

Thursday, December 1, 2011

He had one last gift to give me,

as though to touch that place in my heart that wished for the impossible.

as though to prove that He created the art of humor too.

the little ones bounded out of bed this morning, surrounded me as i served them their breakfast and ate happily as i wandered back to bed.

i didn't feel well.

exhausted, really, from too many tears cried through the night.

they pounced on me 30 minutes later and we got up and started our day.

i quietly tore down the month of november and took a deep breath as my eyes automatically found the 29th.

the one square that i won't acknowledge with my pen.

and i've closed off a part of my heart without even realizing it,

thinking that it had no use or purpose anymore.

i was a daughter to tony's father and i am no longer a daughter anymore.

closing that part off closed off a bit of the pain.

but not really.

and, where i have least expected it, where i just expected that the hope i had was impossibly gone,  Jesus opens up the heart of a father here who sees me and calls me daughter.

this month has the potential to be difficult...if i let it.

it has the potential to dim the joy that used to be so easy to find...if i let it.

but the hope i've been given today?  that He is a Father to the fatherless and that He will use the heart of a father here to show how much He loves?

He reminds me again and again that He hasn't forgotten.  that even though He allows us to walk through seasons of pain and grief, He walks through it with us and through the dearest of people around us.

and sometimes He adds one extra day on that calendar page torn down...

and i give thanks on this thirty-first day of this month (yes.  i am acknowledging this day) that finds me here...and for the heart of a father who didn't have to.