when you don't want to...

Friday, December 2, 2011

she stands there behind that register.

she shifts from foot to foot.

her shoulders are slumped as though she feels defeated...

as though she is just going through the motions.

and i stand there, behind my fully loaded cart, waiting my turn to lay my items on that moving black.

that item,

the very last one,

is the only one without a sku.

the line is long behind me.

she begins to make small talk.

and in this cold and sterile space, her hurt comes spilling out.

the concern of a mother whose little ones long for christmas presents.

presents that she can't afford because she just recently became a single mom.

and i stand there, with my fully loaded cart, with my husband beside me and my little ones shouting loud and i hear Him, deep in my spirit...

look into her eyes.

and i don't want to

i don't want to look into raw and real pain.

my heart already feels broken,

hers will shatter me even further.

she leans down and brings herself to nose level with my girls,

saying sweet somethings to make bellies laugh.

she straightens when an extra number is brought,

she types it in and says our total out loud...

but i don't hear it.

all i hear is her pain and i want to do something,

but what?

tony pays and gathers everyone together and as he starts walking away i take that extra minute and look.

really look,

into the eyes of a fellow mama.

a mama who carries more than she should.

whose burden slumps her shoulders at the end of a long work day.

and i whisper that i am sorry and i hold her gaze long.

i want her to know that He sees.

He sees.

and it can't be a coincidence that this season is celebrated during the darkest time of the year.

when the sun sets early and the cold settles deep.

when it is easy to lose hope.

He became flesh in the dark of a womb,

to be birthed into our dark,

to shine a light into our raw pain.

she said it to me, early this morning,

mama, God will never let us go, right?  He's got us all in His Hands?

could that be the key?  a way through the pain that lines this season?

could it be willing to be His Hands?

willing to look into the eyes of someone barely hanging on?

is it willing to see that this season is more than the lights and the presents and the scent of evergreen?

is it being willing to share *The Light* and the hope that He came to give?

o come all ye faithful...

come and look.

come and love...