at my last appointment, she told me i had 10 weeks and 4 days left.
my heart stopped a little.
this little one, this one already named will be here before i'm ready ~
i find myself wondering what she looks like.
and this baby, this unexpected little one,
she already opens doors.
i am learning, always learning, that being a mama does that.
some women feel that they have lost themselves when they are buried under mounds of dishes and laundry and clutter and chaos,
i find myself fading into the monotony at times.
as though the dreams i had dreamed and the hopes i had hoped have somehow gone the way of that second sock somewhere deep in the belly of the dryer.
He has drawn me out in this season as well.
becoming a mother, in many ways, has made me less afraid. as though who i always was, who He created me to be, was waiting to be birthed out of my dark and has emerged in ways i never expected or dreamed.
and a mother?
she recognizes another and there is a connecting - even past language barriers and my inability to pronounce a name correctly...even past the busyness swirling around us,
every mother's heart needs to be spoken into.
every woman has the potential to be a mother.
and every woman needs a mother.
because it's not just a filled and emptied womb that gives this status,
i have seen with my eyes and heard with my ears the words and the love poured out from one woman onto the ears of children not her own. her love has helped them grow.
why do we shy away from each other?
why do we overlook that sometimes the children He gives are ones not woven from our own DNA? that families are made larger, healthier, whole when we allow Jesus to form our sisters and brothers and mothers and daddies from the very core of Who He Is?
i think of the legacy that we all could leave.
us who are seemingly small,
the ones who have failed and should be given up on.
He uses the weak to showcase His Glory and wouldn't a ragamuffin lot of us reflect His very face?
maybe i'm just rambling in the quiet of the night while my cup of coffee steams and my older two still giggle and this baby girl dances in the dark.
but i can't help but wonder what He could do through hearts completely surrendered and open to Him and to each other...
i want to know what that looks like...