she reminds me so much of you.
from her dark hair to her quiet personality; her big eyes that take everything in...
she takes me back to all of those firsts with you.
and i remember when you turning seven years old seemed so. very. far. away.
it still doesn't even seem possible...
i feel as though i'm still all the way back there, and i guess i am a bit, cradling a newborn close - maybe that's a bit why being here, seven years later feels so shocking.
i've said it before - that you were a gift unexpected...
conceived while i was still grieving the sudden loss of my first little one. i didn't even fathom that those lines would turn pink again so quickly.
you have changed my life - in so many good ways and opened my eyes to all the areas that still are in such desperate need of the tender healing touch of Jesus.
i write words to you every year on your birthday - words that i know you will read and understand someday, but as i write you today, the words typed down on this keyboard in front of me feel heavier somehow...you are no longer the little one cradled with one hand, the toddler running pell-mell in every direction, the preschooler trying to figure everything out...
you sat on the bathroom counter yesterday and watched me as i got ready - the words coming out of your mouth were deep and quiet and thoughtful. i had to pause and step back a bit - because the face that i cup in my hands holds a mind that is growing and maturing.
and yes, you are seven, but even at seven you have experienced such loss...
i watch you at the mission - how you search out the ones who are maybe a bit different, a little bit sad, have experienced losses of their own. and you stand by them, you run with them, you laugh deep belly laughs and draw out laughter of their own.
you are beautiful, sweet daughter of mine.
i sit back and watch you sit by your baby sister, the one 6 years and 28 days younger than you. i watch your hands that are so gentle as you slowly touch her cheek - content to be near her so that she knows she isn't alone...
you trust Jesus like that. your faith in Him is just as quiet - just a gentle - but it's sure. you know He is there, even if you don't always understand.
it feels a bit like trying to grasp at running water - time that seems to move so slowly at the very beginning is actually speeding by just as quickly and my heart still hasn't caught up to the fact that you are seven...
but no matter how fast or how slow or whatever rate time is really moving at - i'm thankful for each moment that He has given me to be your mama.
happy birthday, my lovely, darling lyla. you are so much more than i ever dreamed of.
i love you. always, always, always...
~mama
