when it might be winter...

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

it's not having a newborn that is keeping this place quiet...no, it's my heart.

there's a lot going on in the quiet and deep places and if there really are seasons like i'm reading about, i think i might be knee deep in the dead of winter.

but not in a bad way,

just a quiet way.

and there's no way out without first going through...

and i'm okay with that.

she turned seven and then we opened our door for super bowl (and yes, this is probably random and the most awkward transition - i'm okay with that too.) and our home was filled once again with the loud and the laughter and the kids that we love so deeply.

but it wasn't until the next morning that i stood out on our front stoop to kiss him good bye that i noticed that board hung up by our front door.

i'm not going to pretend that i understand everything about tagging - i think i know that each tagger has his own name, his own symbol and if we look close enough now as we drive down those streets, i can point out who has done what where...

and before,

before this job, before these kids, graffiti to me was a messy, ugly, destruction of property - and in some cases, it is. in some cases, it is meant to be cruel, it is meant to destroy and bring down - but in some cases, the one behind that spray can is actually creating art.

i didn't know that until i began to know these kids.

i didn't know how beautiful it all could be until i began to see it through their eyes.

my house got tagged on sunday - in a small and not large way.  it took me a minute to decipher it, but as i pointed it out to tony, i couldn't help but grin.

there is beauty in the messy.

i need to believe that right now...

because sometimes we can make a huge mess of things, take a big old spray can filled of whatever you want and make a big old ugly disaster of your life and nothing short of a miracle can ever clean it up.

at least, that's what it feels like,

that's what it can look like,

in the very dead of winter.

sometimes it can take a minute to decipher through everything you've scrambled up before you can see His Hand held open and ready to take your own and make something beautiful out of it.

and it's okay to take that minute.  it's okay to move slow.  it's okay to not rush through...

so i'm not.

i'm trying to be patient as i wait for Him, wait for His Hands to move.

and while i wait, i keep trying to give thanks...

3 startling graces of God
1827. a good, kind husband
1828. that i have carried 5 babies and held 4 in my arms
1829. the way He paints the sky the deepest rose and indigo

a gift worn, given away, shared
1830. elias' tears
1831. dinner from julie
1832. our date-night in (and all those m&m's!)

3 witnessed blessings
1833. lyla's growing confidence
1834. no post-partum depression this time around
1835. the way zeruiah is loved already by others

a gift bringing laughter, prayer, quiet
1836. liv's humor
1837. broken relationships
1838. everyone sleeping

3 gifts from God's Word
1839. startling conviction
1840. zacheriah and how obedience ='s an open, praising mouth
1841. that He offers tender mercy

3 gifts that might never have been
1842. lyla and livie
1843. him and me
1844. our friendships here

3 gifts only seen close up
1845. the mess on the table
1846. lyla's freckles (that she detests)
1847. the constant search for that binkie...

a gift in sky, water, memory
1848. a grey, dreary day
1849. 4 clean little ones
1850. how zeruiah keeps reminding me of the small, first moments with lyla

a gift wrinkled, smoothed, unfolded
1851. her hand clutching my neckline while she nurses
1852. a lunchtime invite from a dear friend
1853. the hard stories we are trusted to hear

3 gifts found in Christ
1854. strength for when i'm weary
1855. He gives wisdom for the searching
1856. secure salvation

3 things blue
1857. the way elias loves frozen blueberries
1858. z's blue-black eyes
1859. glimpses of the blue sky through all that grey

a grace borrowed, found, inherited
1860. those science books
1861. the way they remember
1862. that sense of humor they all seem to have

a gift before dawn, at noon, after dark
1863. 4 am snuggles
1864. full plates = full tummies
1865. an unexpected date night

3 gifts found in the kitchen
1866. that big ol' jar of peanut butter
1867. time in His Word at that old, old kitchen table
1868. homemade granola bars

3 graces found in friends
1869. quiet, thoughtful in-box notes
1870. coffee visits around my table with some apple-cider caramels thrown in
1871. new friends who feel gloriously old

a song heard, a soft word, light seen
1872. worn - because i was
1873. his morning whispers of love
1874. a sun break

3 old things seen new
1875. her 7 year old face
1876. her beautiful eyes
1877. the way her hands still curl when she sleeps

a gift on paper, in a person, in a picture
1878. z's dedication certificate
1879. a visit with a friend who keeps pointing me to Jesus
1880. that He provides what i need

3 gifts red
1881. lyla's flushed cheeks
1882. red chalk dust on my fingers
1883. zeruiah's lips

3 gifts on paper
1884. a pretty banner to celebrate - well worth the late night before
1885. words of love for lyla on a birthday card
1886. that her daddy wrapped all of her gifts

3 gifts found in writing
1887. my home that has been tagged
1888. my gramma's writing hung up on my fridge...gone 10 years and she still points me to His Word
1889. the way they write their names