...except it is morning. 1:14 am to be exact. and as tired as i am, i know that i won't be sleeping for more then an hour at a time. not only for the hundreds of trips to the loo at night, but my hips have started falling asleep. my hips. since when do hips fall asleep? apparently now.
i'm not complaining. in fact, i've learned the artful placement of pillows to fool my brain for exactly 59 minutes that it's comfortable. and it really is comfortable, until that last minute before my hips start screaming and my bladder starts warning and i have to wake tony up to help me roll out of bed. ahhh, the attractiveness of the late stages of pregnancy. at least he sleeps through my pregnant snoring:).
1:18 am. in as little as a week, i could be up at this exact hour comforting my new little girl. kind of scary. kind of overwhelming. kind of exciting. i was watching lyla today, in all her glorious toddler-ness and fell in love with her all over again. that's been happening a lot lately. this falling in love. i thought i already was and then this wave hits me all over again, and i want to hold her close and let her know how deeply she is cherished before i blink and she's 18 and heading off to college in a month.
we went for a drive today, her and i. i wanted her to see every sheepie, every cow. i wanted to hear her say "neigh" when we saw a horse. and then all the cows began to say "neigh" too...and i didn't bother correcting her. it was just so cute seeing how adament she was that a cow was a horse.
and then bedtime rolled around and i asked her "are you ready for bed miss lyla?" and she looked me in the eye, shook her head and said "no" as she buried her face in her blankie. so i kept asking and she kept saying no until tony, laughing, said i needed to stop torturing her. but i love to hear her words, even the "no's". i'm amazed that she knows her mind, that she can communicate.
and then i wonder, my heart is so full of love for her, how can i possibly love another little girl as much? will someone feel left out? i just don't get it. i'm worried that one of my girls will feel cheated, and that's the last thing i want to happen.
i guess that's the one parenting concept i can't wait to experience. to prove to my questioning brain that it is possible to love more than child and to love them equally. because seriously, i really don't get it.
so, until i'm up at this hour bleary eyed and trying to coax a baby back to sleep, i'll ponder this...because it's not like i'm getting any sleep anyways...
