miss olivia...

Thursday, August 12, 2010

the other night i told you that you were going to be 3 years old in 2 sleeps.  your beautiful eyes got even bigger than they already are and you shouted "no!!!" as loud as you could.

"no!!! i not get bigger!  i'm smaller.  i stay smaller!!  i not get bigger!!"

 at first, i didn't know what to say.  and when you began to cry, my heart broke in two.  i thought you would be excited about your birthday.

as i gathered you into my arms and held you close, something clicked.

"oh, olivia.  just because you are going to be three years old doesn't mean you won't be my little girl anymore.  you will always, always, always be mama's little girl.  always."

you lifted your tear-filled eyes and locked your gaze onto mine.

"always?" your sweet husky voice whispered...

"always."  i stated confidently, praying that my assurance would assure your troubled heart.

i held my breath as you gathered yours,

"mama!!" you yelled, "i'm turning free!!!"

yes, sweet girl.  three years ago, in a blaze of agony you made your presence known.  you, olivia grace, who's name means peace and good-will, announced your arrival.  

you, the sleepless wonder, the husky voiced screamer, the child determined to force her way past my postpartum depression and into my heart.

you, the one who dances to the beat of her own drum.  the one who has no middle ground, it's one extreme or the other.  the one who knows no "inside voice".

the one who is brave and sure and funny and hilarious and strong-willed...

the one who knows no fear...of people, of animals (except for that lion at the local zoo), of new places...

you, olivia.  you.

the one who sees a puddle and thinks it's a lake.  you see the potential in things...in people...

and you jump in and you love completely.  fully.  your heart is something you give away, no questions asked.  your love is poured on, like a sloshing bucket.  when it's directed at someone, they know it.

and still, you always have more to give...

and as i watched you struggle with the concept of being "bigger", of wanting to stay "smaller" i realized that there are moments when i take your confidence for granted.  that in the "bigness" of your personality, you maybe don't need me as much.

but you do.

as i need the feeling of my precious 3 year old, snuggled in my arms.  stroking my cheek with your sweet pudgy little hand.  shouting words of love 1 inch from my face, making sure that you are as embedded in my heart as i am in yours.

oh, oliva, there are no worries.  you have my heart.  completely.  fully. always.

happy birthday, sweet baby girl.

you are a masterpiece.