being shattered...

Thursday, December 2, 2010

there are moments that come upon you so suddenly there is no way to stop the momentum you find yourself on.

a painful connection is unavoidably going to happen.

and so you brace yourself.

prepare yourself.

entrust yourself to the Only One Who is in control.

the entrusting doesn't come easy...for me, at least.

but as i watched that cold, cement-like wall come faster and faster, knowing that the course of our lives was about to be changed, i did the only thing i could do.

i cried.

i knew that i couldn't change obvious.

i had determined i wasn't going to beg the Almighty to see things my way and do them my way.

i cried out to Him.  and i asked for His will to be done;  that He would strengthen all involved. that He would give wisdom.  words.  grace.

and i began to gather and sort and prepare for the inevitable, all the while choosing to proclaim that God is good.  because He is and was and will be and if i have learned anything in this past year, it is that.

when waves of grief and fear and uncertainty would begin to wash over me, i chose instead to turn it around and give thanks...

i am still not totally sure what happened yesterday...

the "cement wall" was connected full speed.

there was no avoiding it.

but instead of being hard and unyielding, it absorbed the impact and covered all with the beauty of grace.

i can only imagine the battle fought that my earthly eyes couldn't see.

i can only imagine the moments leading up to the moment that still has me shaking my head with wonder.

but what i can't imagine?  what i don't need to imagine? 

what it feels like to wake up in the morning with lungs no longer restricted by the grip of fear.

instead, grateful and filled to overflowing with the sweet air of grace.

and knowing, even if the impact of whatever decisions were made yesterday had completely shattered our lives, God's grace would have seen us through.


because i have breathed deeply of its air when i held my shattered husband that dark december day.

because i have seen relationships restored...ones that seemed shattered beyond all repair.

because i have lived in the shattered me...and i have never stopped being thankful to the Grace that has slowly been stitching each tattered piece of my life back together.

no, even if life was altered in a completely different way yesterday, i know that while i would feel broken, hurt, confused and shattered, the grace of Jesus would have been enough to sustain through the uncertainty of the next steps.

breathe deeply today.  let your lungs expand and be filled with the beauty of Him, because He is Grace...the grace that surrounds and sustains.

then allow the Grace that has so filled you to be released as a blessing onto those around you.  grace, like Him, is meant to be shared.

you are a mighty vessel, dear friend...allow Him to use you.