it started quiet...

Friday, January 14, 2011

wednesday morning.

our voices fading in and out of the room as some gathered children and some waited for their young ones to find them.

she sat down beside me and asked the question that every woman longs to hear when life becomes...large.

can i bring you supper tonight?

the words themselves nourishment enough for my soul.

it came quiet...

in the cold, in the dark.  the knock was gentle, the words few but sweet and during the exchange between our hands i noticed a small bird on the lid of the soup tureen.

and i commented.

she smiled knowingly,

and quietly slipped out the door.

she told me later of how she had spotted it while working at a farmer's market, how with each article she sold, it brought her one step closer to making this purchase.

she too has a tender spot for blue birds...

in the quiet of the night, before i crawled into bed i found a small note tucked into my inbox.

the blue bird and the pottery she was perched on, was mine...

it remained quiet as i read words this morning, His words first and then these,

If God makes a list of my laments, I will make a list of God’s love.
If God has a list of my pain, I will make a list of my praise.
If God writes a list of my tears, I will write a list of my thanks.

It’s Love that makes God and I list keepers.

And keeping the list of His love, keeps me in joy.

it continued quiet as i struggled through, my eyes still puffy from the tears that i cried into his chest the night before.  the tears that fell heavy and soaked through the fabric.  tears that were hot with grief and letting go.

He knows.  He. knows.

each tear, each reason, each question, each unutterable emotion...

He knows.

and i am blessed.

blessed to be surrounded by a community of friends who love and love well.  who love in the sweetest of actions.

i am blessed to have these memories that fill my heart full.  so full that the sadness is tempered and sweetened in the kindest of ways.

i am blessed that i have these moments to live with the ones that have filled my life full.  

He gave me the courage those few short years ago to open my heart when i wanted it to remain hidden and He filled and healed those empty places that i thought were too broken and too dead.

yes, i am sad.

but more importantly,

i am blessed.

as i fill our new home in a new town far away from the ones who have loved strong and laughed loud and happily ate my baking...

i will line shelves with the reminders, i will hang the pictures on my walls, i will fill my home with the pieces of the lives that He allowed to be a part of my own.

and there, in the space of new beginnings and endless possibilities, there will be blessing,

because i carry the love of the ones left behind with me.

oh, there is hope.

and in this, i can find joy.

i carry their love and His presence surrounds me.

...and she laughs at the time to come. ~proverbs 31:25