Thursday, January 13, 2011

settled deep into my chest.

this sadness.

when everything in me wishes that i was more joy-full,

more at peace,

filled with faith,

my lungs are barely filling for the tears that threaten to overpower.

a day being loved family whose blood flows different from mine.

and as i drove away, on a highway swirling with snow, the emotions began to swirl together too.

i pulled into a snow-packed driveway, tired.

walked into a house that no longer feels like mine.

a shell to hold us and our possessions until we are released to the unknown.

i touch the walls as i walk by, releasing my hold on my what ifs.

deciding that if onlys keep the heart pulled down...and i release those too.

but how do you release family?

those who your heart chose?

how do you say goodbye and still remain intact?

the goodbyes have begun and i feel as though my heart is fighting with each beat.

tonight, i know He is here.

i know He is good.

but somehow, tonight,  it's hard to see much else...