in the closing...

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

the door closed while it was still dark.

i heard the car's soft growl from the black of our room.

olivia was pressed up tight against my side.

and his side was still warm...

i buried my face in his pillow he had just left and fell back to a sleep that was filled with prayers.

the door here closed and another one is preparing to do the same for one last time.

and i have watched it on his face, these emotions i can't even begin to comprehend.

he leaves in the early hours to travel the miles that lead to his mama,

his father's memories,

the house that took up 4 years of weekends to build.

he is going home to gather up the remnants of life before us and wipe away the dust of his youth so another family can live in the walls that were first his.

and my heart brims for the man who has captured my heart so fully.

my eyes burn for the father who left such a hole in our lives.

i think of that valley, those mountains and trees.

and i wonder when the landing place is gone, where does one go?

where is home?

as he drove, i skinned the peaches he brought home yesterday.

soft alberta globes, heavy with the sun and dripping with sweet liquid.

i boiled, iced, skinned, cubed, pureed and boiled again...

anything to busy my hands while i waited for his voice to tell me he was home.

he called to say he needed to take his time.  to not rush.

and i heard, between the lines, goodbyes are never meant to be hurried.

i filled jars and he drove behind a wheel and my heart never let him go.

a door is closing...i can hear the protest from the hinges.

or maybe that is just my longing for things to have turned out differently...

but it's closing regardless of the ache and tears, closing quickly and fast.

but opening up the rich reminder of where home truly is.

Jesus has always been.  He always will be.

and while i've never touched Him or looked at His face,

i've seen Him move in my life.

keys may pass between hands.

the ones who dwell in a home may move on,

but He is unchangeable.

He is home.

He is where i land.


the Eternal God is your Dwelling Place,
and underneath are the Everlasting Arms...
deuteronomy 33:27a