when she carries a bit of me...

Monday, January 23, 2012

she'll turn six in a week and is about to lose her third tooth.

she wiggles it every day and asks me to do the same.

i still remember when her first two came in, side by side.

she was two months old.

how her mouth opened wide in that aisle in target,

her face is caught in my memory and my heart still echos with her gentle cooing.

and those two teeth,

they were peeking through.

and her whole smile changed.

i find myself lost tonight in looking at the wedding photos talented photographers have taken.

lost in the beauty of those first holy moments as husband and wife,

but the ones that make my breath catch?

it's the faces of the fathers as they give their daughters away.

a holy moment, in and of itself, i think.

a tender ache in letting go...

my heart is struggling tonight a bit.

for so many reasons and not enough of them worth sharing...

but it's that third tooth of hers that stops me still.

her mouth is letting go of the old to make room for the new.

and she won't let me pull it...

she's scared.

sweet child,

wrapped up in her mama's skin for those 9 months,

she carries a bit of me with her.

i understand that fear - the wanting to hold on just a bit longer...

feeling the hope that one can hold the old and the new in one hand

and expect that they will make room for the other.

but they can't.

and therein lies the struggle.

He is making a way for me,

my soul that aches hot with tears i won't let fall, is cooled by the stream of mercy He provides...

He is a Father Who never lets go,

never turns away...

but when these feet of mine grow tired,

when i feel the weight of this sad and this sin-sick skin,

He is gentle and tender,

and gives me moments to grieve away the old...

to make room for the new.

and even in this, i give thanks...

1190. naomi
1191. the way God's people surround and pray and love
1192. a chance to step into healing

1193. etham
1194. wilderness journeys
1195. He is always there

1196. a picnic basket full of food and love
1197. snow
1198. the life He has given us here

1199. leftover-summer sprinkled across lyla's nose
1200. a father's love
1201. the fierce love and protection of my husband

1202. bright blue sky cradling dark grey clouds
1203. the way my hand is cradled in tony's
1204. my past

1205. harsh words turned gentle
1206. olivia and her laugh
1207.  the way they tumble out of my arms

1208. that even in my dry and wasted places, He creates something new
1209. He accepts what i have to offer
1210.  this