when the year before you is *new*...

Sunday, January 1, 2012

it's on the evening of a new year that my arms are filled with new life.

a tiny bundle of pink perfection and i stand there,

lost in the weightless weightlessness of her.

her two-day-old eyes blink up at me,

her perfect rose-bud shaped mouth opens, as though caught in surprise that the arms holding her are not her mother's.

but she lays in the curve of my arms and looks up at me.

and doesn't make a sound.

january entered in as she always does,

with great fanfare and noise.

the fireworks sounded above this house as the clock sat on midnight for those 60 seconds...

 and i sat on the couch and felt the weight of the sad lift and ease off of these shoulders.

i sat and waited for what the name of this coming year would be.

the first name came in the before of it all falling apart.  it was 2010 that taught me how to abide in a way i had never experienced in all the years i've known Him.

the second name came in the midst of days that were lost in upheaval and pain.  it was 2011 that taught me to trust in the One Who means it when He says, I know.

and i've wondered for the past 2 months what these next 366 days would be woven together with...what word He would use to reveal Himself to this heart that wants to know.

the 31st came and went and i still was unsure what it was to be.

could this year be one without a naming?  without a focus?  would He mean to leave me without a word to point me to Him?

it's possible.

until i sat on the couch in a house quiet and sleepy as the colours overhead exploded with joy and noise that the words began to float through...

see,  I am doing a new thing...!

my years previously named and lived through have been surrounded with loss and chaos and pain.

this year has the  potential of experiencing all of those as well...

but, in the uncertainty of a future that only He knows, can i choose to trust that in the joy and in the pain, that He can do something new?

i looked up the rest of the words to the phrase that tumbled around in my heart all day and i couldn't help but smile wide as i realized what He was saying...

see,  I am doing a new thing! now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.  
isaiah 43:19

no, i don't think i could have perceived all that He was trying to do in these last two years.  i don't think i ever will be fully able to see it.  but through the naming, He has asked me to actively participate and trust that I would come to know Him better through each one.

as i look back, i see how He had to strip so much away so that He could do something new...to make a way and to pour life back in.

i don't know what this coming year holds.

but, whatever it is...i believe it will prove to be a journey that has me loving Him in new ways, learning about Him in new ways and learning to trust Him with a love made new.

the year before you lies bundled up in possibility and hope.

the days ahead may be filled with light or broken in dark,

but regardless of what is ahead, will you join me and look to see all that He will make new...

happy  new year, sweet friend.