when it's ripped and torn...

i hold the pages in my hands and look at the rough edges,

the ones that i've just ripped out of an old and musty copy of pride and prejudice.

elizabeth and mr. darcy lay mixed up and out of order on that counter of mine,

and i can't help but smile.


it's kind of how life is sometimes.


lyla and olivia have helped me glue hearts and buttons on torn and cut pages of a love story they haven't even heard of.

but they are plastering love all over the place 

and that they can understand.

and it's in the early hours of a late evening that i string together what has been cut and torn and broken apart.

i lift high pages filled with words of love and secure them to our walls with pins that catch the light.


and i think of my story

and maybe your own...


what has been broken,

ripped apart,

torn right open?


what has left you feeling laid bare and completely and utterly out of order?

does it all feel like more than a little touch of chaos is swirling around you?

i felt Him near in those moments that found me pressing twine into glued pages,

sensed His Love move through those places still raw and aching with grief...

sometimes, it's in taking a step back,

taking a moment to catch a glimpse of the torn and the hurt placed side by side and held together with His Love that we can see...

each hard moment,

each quiet moment,

each moment that He has given,

is placed against the story of His Love for me.

for you.


so we can release what feels chaotic,

painful,

broken,

ripped and raw

and give it all to the One Who knows how to make it into something beautiful

so that we can stand confidently underneath it all and say with hope, joy,

and confidence in Him Who is able to do more than we could ever hope or imagine,

...His banner over me is love.  

song of songs  2:4

and so i count the ways...

1235. a message i needed to hear

1236. rest

1237. the last 30 minutes before their bedtime

1238. elias being comforted

1239. two friends laughing

1240. tony as he sleeps

1241. a new name

1242. the valentine lyla drew for me

1243. His Words that strengthen

1244. a lost toy found

1245. olivia's neck-crushing hugs

1246. kissing elias' chin

1247. a new cabinet

1248. that "bed" for cookie to sleep on

1249. cold toes

1250. a moment to breathe deep

1251. a friend on the front step

1252. those carnations

1253. becky's signature colour

1254. my dress

1255. broken birds

1256. super glue fixes

1257. serving plates that remind this heart of her's.

1258. that tall latte

1259. the right gift given
1260. words that memorize easily

1261. tickling elias

1262. tickling olivia

1263. tickling lyla

1264. lost shirts found

1265. lyla reading

1266. deep sleep

1267. realizing sundays are hard

1268. what He reveals when my heart is examined in the quiet

1269. a lost cellphone found