"ask Him to show you that He loves you".
he spoke the words over the phone, strong and clear in response to mine that were breaking and tear-filled.
and so i did, deciding to believe...really believe, that He would in whatever way He chose.
i chose to have hope...
sometimes, hope comes wrapped up in a box delivered by a man dressed in brown who uncannily looks like the hispanic version of magnum p.i.
without the gun.
or the helicopter.
but who rings the doorbell and props up faith against your door.
and there are friends, dear ones, who were once part of a past that was broken. friends who stood at a fork in the road with you and there was no other choice but to take different paths.
friends who you miss terribly for years and wish and wonder for things to have turned out differently and when you least expect it an email appears and reconciliation flows and what appeared to have been shattered beyond repair is made completely new and joy, joy fills the empty and love is deeper and truer than before.
and she notices your tender spot for the birds that are blue and for nests and eggs and asks randomly for your address and you wonder if a happy letter will appear in your mailbox and then you forget that such an exchange ever happened...
and after a string of good, really good days comes one that is hard and grief-filled and you sit down and call out to the the Heart of the One, True Daddy...asking Him to show love and He already knows that nestled in the midst of the dark of that brown truck is His answer through her...
and as you open the box, the one that came as a surprise and begin to take each ribboned plate out one by one, you can't help but lift your face to the One who knows and bring glory to His Name because in sorrow, in hope, in faith...He loves, deep and true.
so, in the morning, when i first open my eyes i lift them up to hope. to the reminder that life is new again and He will see me through.
as i sit in my new and old favorite spot to journal out my prayers to Him and open His Word to learn and to listen, i find my eyes drifting up to the simple reminder of the way that faith leads to joy which can't help but open itself up in ways that glorify Him.
and i find the beauty of a restored relationship continually points me back to the staggering reality of how He has reconciled me to Him.
both are so undeserved, but both so fully given.
and it gives birth to hope once more...