he has a slight obsession,
that sweet little boy of mine.
his eyes light up and get all huge and he lifts his kissable pudgy hand to point at every. car. that. drives. by.
he yells it constantly from the back seat,
car, mama!! car!! car-car!! mama!! look!! red car!! cruck-car! mama, mama!! look, look!!
each one surprises him with it's uniqueness.
he seems amazed that there always is another one following the one that just passed.
he brings a smile to this face.
he brings the crucks that are broken.
the mama who knows nothing about cars or trucks or how to fix toys that boys are enthralled with.
but i try, because he trusts me.
he hovers while i hold his broken toy in my hands, the one that he carries with an extra set of wheels just in case, i'm sure.
whispers sweet nonsensical murmurings as i hold his precious treasure and try and piece it back together.
he reminds me in ways he doesn't even realize of the One Who holds my broken in His beautiful Hands.
i think of the mama who no longer has her son, the one whose arms are achingly empty and whose mind is filled with the unanswerable questions of why.
and i know...
and elias, he struggled and fought against me. desperate to be held, but too tired to accept it.
wrapped in my-blanket-turned-his, he settled against my heartbeat and i rocked until he stopped fighting comfort.
and i remember his first moments...his first gasping struggles for air. and i think of the mama whose boy no longer breathes near her.
and i want to love him well here because i don't know what life has in store.
i don't know.
but i do know the One Who knows it all...Who takes our broken dreams and makes them into lives of beauty if we let Him.
and i give thanks on this thirteenth day of this month that finds me here...and for my son who stole my blanket.
and he sings, while the sisters-two fight with each other in the background...a real moment here at our home, but a sweet one nonetheless. and in case you can't make out what he is singing, it's Jesus Loves Me...