the month of here {day28}...when the words are hard to find

this post finds my heart undescribably full.

overwhelmingly so, that the words keep stopping and i keep restarting and still, still there are none that seem right.


God is so good.

there. these words are right.

because they ring with truth.


i filled up a basket this morning with one of the ways i feel most comfortable showing love.

i fill it up with food...

because He has filled up my heart.


and i wonder why He continues to show such love to someone like me?


my three run and play and laugh all afternoon here in the chill of a fading november.

i stand on the edges and watch,

overwhelmed by emotions and feelings that threaten to spill all down my cheeks...


i hold in my arms a sweet and gloriously round 2 month old baby boy.

i rock him and he sleeps close against my heart.

i look at the faces all around me, listen to the laughter, smell the good food and the question dances around the back of my mind,

why?  

i remember being so terrified when we made the decision to move.

terrified to start again 

terrified that He would forget about us.


so, it seems laughable that i question the blessing that He appears to be pouring out.


i meet her in the hallway before bible study this evening.  we walk down the hall and find 2 seats together.

that third seat sits empty beside us, as though acknowledging the absence of the one who couldn't make it.

and we listen and take notes and laugh about our lives and as we head in our own separate directions, that is when the tears begin to fall.


i remember that christmas tree last year, standing tall and bare in the corner.  the feeling of not being able to take down the decorations from the attic that were still packed away from before it all fell apart.  as though not releasing that air was the final grip i had on what was.

and that sweet friend came to the door with a bag holding precious ornaments...one for each of us and for our new home here.


He has been paving a way to here all along.

and at the end of that road, the one that led to this city in this state, He prepared the dearest hearts to welcome us in.


i sit wrapped up in a blanket pieced and sewed together by an aunt whom i love dearly and who meant it to be for my little boy.

i curl up underneath it and try to stammer out what it means to me that He would choose to heal me, us in this way.

and i can't, despite all the words above, i can't begin to describe what His wooing and proving of His Love means to this heart who still struggles to believe she's worth it.


oh, but i'm thankful.  so very, very thankful.

and i give thanks on this twenty-eighth day of this month that finds me here...and for His Love that reaches deep.